Special Story. :)

Day 1 - Fat Kiat admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Huiwen. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Eunice is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Iven later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.

2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Ian creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Jiawen hits him with a Frying Pan.

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of Piza out of Char Kuay Teow. After much persuasion by Ian, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

4 - Training for the Piza task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Iven, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the Char Kuay Teow. Jiawen is furious.

5 - Today is the day when the Piza task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Iven farts and blows Piza over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Huiwen cries.

6 - Ian gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Huiwen admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a Frying Pan. Fat Kiat says he never wears condoms because they make his Dick sore and Ian agrees. Eunice goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. Iven sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Ian.

8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Fat Kiat goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Jiawen and Huiwen are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Fat Kiat.

9 - Jiawen and Huiwen are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Eunice sings them a song - Negaraku - to make them feel better.

10 - The public vote Huiwen out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Huiwen leaves.

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Huiwen's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Eunice has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Jiawen is visibly depressed and is comforted by Ian, who tries to touch her on her Boobs.

12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of Ian touching Jiawen's Boobs over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Iven refuses to run because his Dick hurts a bit.

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Iven finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Jiawen calls Iven a lazy Dick.

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Fat Kiat tells everyone individually that he thinks Jiawen is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Jiawen and Ian are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Fat Kiat.

16 - The nominations are announced. Jiawen can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Ian is equally stunned and turns to Jiawen for comfort. Iven is distraught and confesses to Eunice that he thinks he is in love with Ian. Eunice says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know

17 - The public vote Ian out of the house. Jiawen says she is gutted and even gives Ian a clipping of hair from her Boobs to prove how much she cares. Iven is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Ian leaves.

18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Jiawen clipping the hair from her Boobs. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Iraq in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Iraq sounds like but Iven says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Fat Kiat as the one who must complete the task.

21 - Fat Kiat successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Iraq but also God Save The Queen, Negaraku and the theme tune to Prison Break. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.

22 - Nominations are due and Fat Kiat tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Iven and Eunice are nominated.

23 - Iven and Eunice take their nominations well and sit down with Fat Kiat and Jiawen to discuss why they voted for them. Fat Kiat keeps quiet but Jiawen accuses Iven of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred Dick before bursting into tears.

24 - The public vote Eunice out of the house and nobody really gives a shit. Eunice leaves.

25 - Fat Kiat becomes the first housemate to have a wank. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Fat Kiat's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a wanker.

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Whale dung using only a Frying Pan. Fat Kiat is unsure but Iven is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.

27 - Completely out of the blue, Iven breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Whale incident from his childhood. Jiawen tries to persuade him to stay but Fat Kiat sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Iven decides to leave.

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Whale dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Jiawen from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.

29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Fat Kiat asks Jiawen to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Fat Kiat nominates Jiawen to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Jiawen.

30 - When the nomination is announced, Jiawen graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Fat Kiat is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Fat Kiat takes his £70,000 and runs away to Iraq. Nobody, including Jiawen, ever sees him again.


HEHEHE. I did not make up this story. :D SO dont come and blame me if you feel insulted. :D